Is This Your Story? Sound familiar? Members of Fibro Angels Guiding Light shares personal stories of daily struggles on our group's 5th Anniversary. We pray all reading this whom is enduring chronic pain will finally see you're not alone in this journey.  Hi All,  Well here is my story. I am a 53 year old male who suffers from Fibromyalgia. It all started back in 1992 after a simple knee injury at work. I had surgery and everything went well. During my physical therapy the therapist did some strength testing on me to see how much use I had lost on that knee. Well that was the beginning of the end for me. He made me work so hard that I blew the knee out again. So a second surgery was now in store for me. In the three months it took to get it approved much degenerative arthritis had begun damaging the joint even further. The surgery went well again and I filed suit against the therapist. He was totally in the wrong but he came to court with his big gun doctors he had hired from the big city. I did not stand a chance and the case was thrown out of court. Now my frustrations really started to mount. Other things started happening to my body that I did not understand. I could no longer stand or walk very far without pain. I had been in the Auto Parts business for 23 years, standing behind a counter all day long. I attempted to go back to my regular work and other things started happening. My knee swelled up so far that my pants were tight. Could I no longer do my job? Was I doomed to try to train for another occupation? Well I got taken off of work again after 1 1/2 months and sent for testing by State Comp. I went for a one week testing period. They test you for every possible occupation and none were of acceptable results to train me for. Ok now I am feeling hopeless and worthless. What am I going to do to provide for my family? My State Comp money and time ran out. They denied me any training due to the results of my testing. So now I turned to State Disability. They too tested me and said I was not able to do gainful employment with all of my pain levels. So shot down again. I went from Doctor to Doctor to try to find out what was going on to no avail. Now the other things were setting in such as degenerative disc disease and osteoarthritis. later a diagnosis of COPD to add to the pile. Finally after 8 doctors a Rheumatologist finally diagnosed me in 1992 with Fibromyalgia. Finally I was happy I got a diagnosis and maybe something I could fight against and it could be treated. Not! They tried me on every medication that showed any promise at all for the treatment of this syndrome. Nothing worked and I was stuck like I was. Depression set in big time. I was angry and rude to anyone and everyone around me or in my life. My State Disability ran out and I had been turned down by Social Security too twice by this time. Now how am I supposed to support my family? Welfare was now our support along with my wife's meager income. We scraped by for 1 1/2 years this way with no income for me at all. I do not know how we survived at all but now understand that it was by the grace of God. I was at wits end an decided to try to take my own life and be done with it. I now would not be a burden on my family any longer. I left the house very upset one day. I had been drinking and was ready to end it all. I went to the river near me which is my serene place to go to get things straightened out. I took out my gun and put it to my head and felt the cold steel on my temple. I tried it in my mouth and under my chin I could taste the metal and feel the cold steel again. I then picked up the cell phone and called my neighbor that I trusted, and he was not there but his sweet wife talked to me. She could tell I was very upset and asked what was going on. I told her and she was there at my side in minutes to comfort me and try to talk me out of it. I looked up and my son had found me as God had directed him where to look for me. They talked me down and I thank them to this day for saving my life. Finally we ended up in court with Social Security and I was granted SSDI. Wow what a relief I thought, then things started setting in again. Those thoughts of worthlessness and being judged by others. You know the (you look fine statements), why can't you work etc.? I got so tired of hearing them that I wanted to hide from everyone. Ten years went by so fast I could hardly believe it. I was a non believer through all of this and felt lost and lonely. Finally one day in 2000. I decided to go to Church instead of going to the store to get some beer. I had been sober for 12 years and decided to try drinking again after that for another 3 years. With the Fibro and my other ailments it almost killed me this time around. My body could not take it and I was at a loss of what to do. I knew I was in trouble and had prayed to a God I really did not know as yet. So I made that left hand turn and cruised by the Church instead of the right hand turn to the store for my beer. My wife and son were already at Church that night. I knew the building as I had been there for Marriage Counseling before. I snuck around outside and listened to the music and liked what I heard. It was the Alternative service which is geared towards the younger set. It was cool and loud and thumping. The kind of music I liked and was hard to tell it was Christian at all. So I decided to sneak into the hallway and peek through the side doors to the sanctuary. Well I got caught by one of the Elders whom I had known for years. He led me inside and said it was alright that the roof would not cave in or anything. I reluctantly went it. The look on the faces of everyone when they noticed me was beyond belief. My wife and sons mouths almost dropped to the floor, and I could see my wife's tears of joy in the dark from across the room. She came over and gave me a big hug along with my son. I stayed near the door where the sound board was. My pastor was new at it and trying to operate it and learn its functions. I showed him a few things I knew as I used to be a roadie for a band when I was younger and had some experience with sound mixing. He finally said you sit down and show me what you've got. I did and that is where I have been for almost 8 years now. I worked there for two years before I accepted God as my Lord and Savior. That is a whole new story here I kept drinking during this time and would not drink for 24 hours before doing a Church function. Just a moral feeling I had within me. Finally one night we had a special performance by a large Choir from the San Francisco Bay Area. They were 70 people strong and filled our small Church full by themselves. I was doing the sound and toward the end of their performance, they surrounded the room and did a multi part harmony song. I was trapped in my sound booth as they were all blocking my only way out. I closed my eyes as I am very claustrophobic. Soon the ones in front of me started joining in the harmony. With my eyes closes and the fear mounting inside of me, suddenly I felt a peace come over me as I listened to those beautiful voices. The hair on the back of my neck and arms was standing on end. Afterwards I talked with the director and he asked me if I liked what I heard. I told him greatly that I enjoyed it all. He asked if I had any Choir music and I said no. He got my address and a few days later I got a package in the mail. It was full of CD's of different Choirs from all over the country. I started listening while doing my e mail etc. It was starting to penetrate my hard shell. I knew many of the songs by heart very soon. Finally one Sunday soon afterwards during our regular worship. I felt that feeling come over me again, a warm feeling and the hair again standing up on end. I asked the pastor what it was that was happening to me, was I possessed or something? He said no I was feeling the holy spirit flowing into my body. Well that made sense now, so the next Sunday it happened again and I walked up to him during the worship and said how do we go about making this transition. He led me to the altar and we prayed the salvation prayer and I have not been the same person since. God is good and Jesus Saved my life. He walks with me and talks with me and tells me I am his own! Thank You Jesus! Having God in my life makes it so much easier to bear the pain of this syndrome and the ups and downs too. Praise God he has kept me around to do his work and alive long enough to enjoy the fellowship and love one can only feel from other believers. God Bless Nor_Cal_Dale Hi (((Kat))) dear, first  of all I want to tell you that I'm so blessed to know you and for having joined FAGL. This does really come from my heart and I don't just say things to say them. I really mean what I say. I really love you all here, I feel like I have a real big family here and I feel I belong. No one judges one another,we support each other and understand. If you want you can write this on that special page as well.   Anyway here it is, I was dx'd about 13 years ago with Fibromyalgia, they finally found a word for what I felt at this time. I had symptoms of fatigue, pain all over, frequent nausea, G.E.R.D, Maigraines and you name it. I had a very traumatic Childhood as well as Adulthood. I do not like to go into details here, I know I'm no longer a victim, but a survivor. I went like many with this illness from one dr. to another and of course therapy for depression and anxiety disorder and disassociation. That of course did not help when I first came to the Doctor, before I was dx'd, because they said it was because of my severe traumatic experiences and that I'm super sensitive. So I went on, thinking I loose my mind and all this is in my head. I learned to just ignore my pain and went on and on. Later in Church I realized that people thought that I did not have enough faith, other than that this all would not happen to me. So that made me feel even worst and I was on the verge of a nervous break down and a spiritual as well. I had many set backs since, but I have come a long long way. I have done a lot of research and came to know that there are other people just like me and came to realize that there are support groups out there. And so I finally came to FAGL, only the Lord could have sent me to you. I don't believe in things by chance or coincident, I had to be with you all. Since then my faith grew stronger, my prayer life more active. I'm inspired by many wonderful Ladies, wonderful earth angels and male earth angels of course. The way I came to FAGL is by surfing the web, and I was intrigued by the name first and that it was a christian based group. Although I had left for a while ( due to computer trouble, I actually could not have the Internet for a while either) I have never forgotten any of you and once I came back it seemed like I was never gone. That is what I call love and family. I never had this closeness in my life, not even with my own family and not even with my own hubby. But Yes again, I have come a long way, I have now accepted, that I can not do the things anymore that I love, "Nursing" I know I have to pace my self, I know it is not in my head and it is real. Most of all I'm not alone in this, I have you and most of all my precious Jesus with me.  Tina ************************************************************************ Cont'd PAGE 2